Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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