I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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