Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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