even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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