Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
