He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
