Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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