Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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