I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
