I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
