Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
