What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
