Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
