It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
