So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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