You made me cry and you don't even care
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
