1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
