I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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