I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
