dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
