It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
