So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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