barbara walters just said penis...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't deserve a penis
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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