I hate all girls vehemently.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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