You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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