i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
