this just has baby written all over it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
