You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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