If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
