IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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