Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
