Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
