If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
PANTIES FOUND
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
