but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
