Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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