Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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