Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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