a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
