A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Be still, my beating vagina.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
