I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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