there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
