I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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