guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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