Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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