i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize