were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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