That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I see more hoeing in ur future
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