I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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