ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
