Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
