he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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