first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
