i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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