false alarm. still invincible.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
