god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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