I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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