The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
