No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
