my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
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He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
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