So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
