she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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