Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
